Every parent ask themselves a simple question, "Am I doing the right thing?" And wonders are they making the best decisions for their children. We ask ourselves this question daily as moms, we wear a "S" on our chest and a cape on our backs. Our job description is to protect, fix and make everything all better. Every day comes with new challenges, obstacles, and new fears to overcome. And WE conquer them, all the challenges, the fears and the monsters under the bed. We are the modern day superhero, fighting injustice and saving the day! But who saves us?
But this question has echoed in the back of my mind for the last few years. "Am I doing the right thing?". Are we getting Ralph the help he needs? Is he in the right school? Does he need any more services? How do we manage his behavior? How do I know if what we are doing is working? The list goes on and on. I just keep reminding myself how much I love my kids and know we make mistakes, nobody's perfect and sometimes there is no right or wrong answer.I have learned and continue to learn parenting is not the same for everyone, each child is different and you have to adapt to different ways of teaching them. But one thing is the same you love them the same unconditionally. I believe love conquers all. Call me the hopeless romantic so what! I love my kids the way God loves me and I love HIM back. HE never puts more on than you can bare.
Over recent years I have discovered how strong I really am, I may cry and get sad but nothing sways my faith and my hope. I have been surrounded by strong women all my life, never knew just how much they have taught me, instilled in me until now. As a mother and wife their life lessons they preached to me, drilled me and showed me by living the example are falling into place in my life now. They have given me the foundation of faith, strength and unconditional love.
We recently started Ralph on behavioral medication. I know many people may be against our choice, or may not agree. But I want to make sure we explore every option to help Ralph. I do not want to let my own bias or fears interfere with my son's progress. The main concern for us is what's best for our boy, our special little boy. My husband and I chose this route knowing it was not the be all end all for treatment. We know this is not the cure for autism, but our hope is it will help Ralph to concentrate, slow down and be able to focus on his academics.
So far we have had two different medications Vyvanse and Quillivant with multiple dosages. It has been a true roller coaster. Here is where the familiar question that echoes in my mind, "Am I doing the right thing?". Watching your child go through this can heartbreaking at times. The Vyvanse was not a fit for us, Ralph experienced every last listed side effect with this one. It was scary to see how these medications can alter your child, in some cases the wrong medicine can zap the twinkle out of their eyes in a matter of minutes but the flip side is them having so much aggression. Finding a balance with keeping his personality and his quirky little ways and providing a calm demeanor is so hard. But I have hope we will get there.
Ralph was recently under the weather with the flu and then the next week with a stomach virus. He lost a whopping 7lbs, already thin due his lack of appetite because of the behavioral medication and now being sick for two weeks. We made the executive decision to not give him the medication until he is able to get his weight up. It's been almost a month and he has been much better, he has a great appetite better than it has been in such a long time and his tantrums have not completely disappeared but they are manageable.
Its those quiet moments in the day you reflect and envision your kids day dreaming of what their future looks like. I dream of Mackenzie going off to college, having a career and getting married. I dream of Ralph growing up being able to be self sufficient, going to college, getting a job and having a family of his own. I just want my kids to experience life, to fall in love, to learn from their mistakes, to take risks, to always put God first and always have self confidence they can do anything and no one is better than them and they are not better than anyone!
So "Am I doing the right thing?", most days I think so and on off days I know giving it to God and always knowing tomorrow will be a day of new beginnings and chance to learn from my mistakes always gets me through.
Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.