In 2019, I discovered many truths about myself and about my life. I discovered the person who I wanted to be for so long. She has been right here just sitting back watching and observing all the times I tried to reinvent myself with a new hairstyle, with new clothes or better yet a new self help book to help me appreciate me. I felt like I had lost my sense of style what makes me, my identity of who I was before. And I felt like I stopped dreaming and just started existing, getting lost in daily routines. It felt like the days ran together and I looked up and almost a whole year had passed me by and I hardly noticed.. I grew tired of just existing in life I wanted to live it and be fulfilled. Once again, I went around filling up other's cup but again who is filling mine. I made up mind and decided not to give the power of fulfillment to another person but learn how to fill my own cup.
It was this year I found my voice of reason, my purpose and my appreciation for this life I have. I started with learning how to say “no”. And understand “no” is a complete sentence, you don’t have to explain why you said it, it is just “no”. I had to set boundaries at work and at home with family and friends. And learned it is okay to take a few hours to do something for me guilt free. I was able to reflect more on my life and see all the blessings around me. Gratitude became an everyday word, grateful to have a family, grateful to have a home, grateful for my job, grateful for my husband and kids, grateful to know how to love and receive it, grateful for being able to have money in my pocket to support my family, and most of all grateful to see the sun rise and set for last 42 years. I am thankful for this life. You see we get so accustomed to having all these things but at a moments notice they can be taken. You call on God to come fix it to perform miracles, but what we fail to be thankful for what we have right before our very eyes. Understand what you have was once a prayer or a dream at some point in life and you have to be thankful for it and show gratitude. We all get caught up with trying to get to the next stop and forget to enjoy the ride there. I have always said, “Give me my flowers while I am living…” I want to enjoy the moments with my family, close friends and really enjoy my life.
Starting the new 2020 year with a clear vision focusing on what is important; God, family and good health. The word of the year is “surrender”, my mantra is surrendering all things I cannot change and focus on things I can. On December 20th my life shifted. We were told that my husband has thyroid cancer. It immediately rocked me on heels. Out of all the cancers you can get they say thyroid is the one to have, because of it very high survival rate. But anytime a doctor mentions the “C-word” in a diagnosis your mind immediately goes to the worst possible scenario. I allowed myself one day to feel sorry for myself and my family and the very next day I let it go. I wrote it down on a piece of paper and put it in my prayer box. We both talked about it and agreed to not let this consume our thoughts and just focus on raising our kids. They need us, they need us to be strong, protective, loving and most of all present.
I am not here for anyone’s sympathy I just want to be remembered in your prayers. I am a firm believer that prayer in numbers are heard. So going into 2020 “I surrender all the things I cannot change and focus on the things I can.” I surrender my fear, doubts and any other circumstances I can not change alone. I am forever grateful for this life and grateful for all the things that God has done and continues to bless us with. The lesson is to have gratitude for this life and be thankful for your blessings.
So when you are feeling overwhelmed with all the noise around you like work, worry, self doubt and depression just look around you. You are here and present in this life, you are loved and are never alone. God is always with you and HE loves you. Don’t give up tomorrow is always a new day for a new beginning. I pray that those who read this are blessed with good health and perfect peace for 2020.
“We should be thankful for His favor when we didn't deserve it. God blesses us so that we can give and bless others – and so that they will see God's goodness and give thanks. ... We should give thanks in all things, and at all times to God the Father through Christ Jesus.” -Anonymous
“I will give thanks to you, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.”-Psalm 9:1